


Nope No Nada Nah Nope

by linatrinch



Series: Stormpilot Tumblr Prompts [18]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: GET IT GET THE SPIDER, M/M, there's a spider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:51:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7542250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linatrinch/pseuds/linatrinch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>asked, "Okay but Finn and Poe are both deathly afraid of spiders/something of your choice, and one ends up in their room/bed. Who gets their shit together and deals with it? Do either of them? Or does one of them run for help while the other stares intently at it from the other side of the room to make sure it doesn't disappear?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nope No Nada Nah Nope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iwritetrash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwritetrash/gifts).



Finn walked into the mess hall with pain shooting up his back, around his torso, and down his legs. It sucked but it was more than manageable. After all, the only reason he felt so awful now was because of the PT he'd just gone through with Kalonia. (For being a doctor, that woman knew little compassion for not pushing everything beyond its limits. Finn liked her a lot.) The last thing his stomach wanted to do right now was digest anything, but he hadn't eaten since that morning and he had to consume something after taking those pain killers Kalonia gave him after their session.

But maybe the only real reason he was there was because of Poe. The pilot was usually hovering over Finn at every PT appointment, and while he certainly pushed Finn to his limits, he didn't try to torture him like the good doctor did. Which was why she had kicked him out.

“ _I'll do fine on my own, Poe. Don't worry.”_

“ _I know you will, buddy... Look, I'm gonna pop by the bunk, try to catch up on stuff. Meet you in the mess in an hour?”_

But when Finn walked up to the X-Wing pilots' usual table, there was no Commander Dameron to be found. “Ey, Finn!” Most of the others were there, though. Snap waved at him. “Where's your lesser half?”

Jokes like that were still a little weird to him. They absolutely meant no harm in it, he knew that for certain. They respected their Black Leader. But he was also their friend, one they liked to prank and mess with, and that was the weird part. Having a superior officer as a friend. That and the boyfriend jokes, seeing as they weren't together. But some days it seemed like the pilots knew more than him.

Finn smiled but opted not to comment on the _lesser_ half bit. If they were ever to be two halves of a whole, Poe was no where near the _lesser_ margin. “Very funny, Snap. I was told to meet him here after PT, actually.” Finn groaned as he fell into a seat beside Pava, his muscles more than relieved at the strain being taken off of them.

Karé chuckled into her drink and swallowed. “Are you going to tell me that Poe hasn't been here sitting on his hands and staring at the door? L'ulo, have you ever known Poe to stand up a date?”

“Leave me out of it,” the Duros sighed, cutting into a fresh piece of meat.

“We haven't seen him, bud,” Jess laughed, gently knocking into Finn's shoulder. “You know him. He probably got caught up in something. And if BB-8's not with him, he'll only realize he's hungry when he's all shriveled up.”

Poe definitely had that tendency. Finn saw it almost as soon as he woke up. Of course, the attention had often been projected at him during that time. He probably really did have a lot of work to catch up on, being an officer and all...

He glanced at the serving line. Sometimes, if the cooks liked you enough and trusted you to bring the dishes back, they allowed you to take a plate to go. That would be the best thing for Poe, so he could eat and work. Maybe not the _best_ actually, but Finn understood work. Unfortunately, he was a stranger to the staff. Less than that. He was the ex-Stormtrooper. Finn was surprised they trusted him with silverware at all. So if he couldn't bring the mess to Poe, well, he had to bring the idiot to the mess. “I'm going to go find him,” he announced, not letting so much as a flinch show as his back screamed in protest of standing again.

“He's a grown man,” Snap grumbled, “and you're still on the mend, in case you forgot. Why not eat first?”

“They'll run out of honey cakes if I wait too long,” he joked back, waving the suggestion off. He found that he really liked waving suggestions off. “Besides, I'm not hungry right now. Might as well go find him. I'll be back in a few.”

“Oh, don't rush on our account!” Karé called after him.

* * *

Poe was, kind of surprisingly, exactly where he said he would be.

Finn opened the door to their shared bunk and was met with a shrill yelp. “Don't move! Don't come in! Don't do anything! Don't- Stay still. Don't move.”

Of course, Finn _immediately_ froze, glancing around the room for danger. Poe was sitting at his desk, schematics spread across the surface, but his chair was twisted away from it. The pilot stared down his bed, the whites of his eyes clear as day even from the door. He held a hand out to Finn but was still as a statue otherwise, not making any other acknowledgment.

Confused, Finn looked to the bed. It seemed the same, rumpled and slept in, aside from a brown fuzzy thing sitting on his pillow. From this angle, it looked like a ball of lint or yarn, about half the size of Finn's palm. He cut his eyes between Poe and the bed, still very confused. The brown fuzz was the only difference he could spot. Surely it didn't warrant such theatrics.

But then, incredibly slowly, the fuzz ball began to move. One hairy leg stretched out, then another, and another, and another, and another- It began a slow crawl from the center of Poe's pillow to the edge. Finn watched it's progress, suddenly lacking the air to breathe, but still managed to ask in a harsh whisper, “What the hell is that?”

“It's a spider,” Poe answered in an equally high whisper.

“What the hell is a spider?”

“It's one of those.”

By this point, the spider had made it to the edge of the pillow and paused. “Is it dangerous?” Finn asked, but kind of figured it was rhetorical. Never mind that the damn thing looked creepy as hell – _was that eight legs!? –_ but he would love to know if it was going to kill them or not. This was brand new territory. And he hated brand new territory when it came to creepy eight-legged monstrosities.

“Some of their bites are,” Poe whispered. “There's a lot of different kinds. Some don't hurt at all. Some kill you on the spot.”

Oh no. No. Nope. It had to go. “What do we do?”

Poe's face seemed to crumple. _“I don't know.”_

“Do we kill it? Is there a protocol? How do we kill it?”

“You- You whack it. Squish it. I don't know. Something.”

Finn blinked at him. “Well, why haven't _you_ whacked it yet?”

“What if I miss?”

“You shoot targets from thousands of meters away but you're scared that you'll-”

“Yes, Finn. I'm terrified. Squish it.”

 _Ugh._ Maker help him, he did not want to get closer to that thing. But... well, he had a perfect opportunity to be a hero right now. It couldn't be worse than Kylo Ren, right? He looked around, spying an outdated, heavy data pad on Poe's bedside table. That'll do the job. He moved forward, trying to pretend to be very brave right now-

The spider quickly scuttled to the bottom of the bed. Poe made a _eek_ type of sound that made Finn flinch back – definitely wasn't the spider moving that did that. Before he could lose the target, he picked up the data pad and closed in on it. He swung at the spider, missed, and it started a quick zoom towards the wall.

“Get it!” Poe yelled, suddenly screaming right in Finn's ear. When did he get up? “GetItGetItGetIt-!”

Finn hit the bed a few more times in quick succession, missing every shot, when the spider doubled back. He swung again, data pad slamming down on the bed, and all went still.

There was a beat of silence before Poe, who was now definitely standing beside Finn, hands white knuckling into the old leather jacket, faintly whispered, “Did you get it?”

Not daring to breathe, Finn lifted the data pad slowly, hoping to find not much more than a smear of- The spider scuttled out, climbing on top of the data pad, right over Finn's hand-

He wasn't sure who screamed first. He wasn't even sure which one of them was actually doing the screaming. All he was really sure of was that the spider must have been flung across the room after the strange dance Finn managed to do with a busted back, and that Poe was pulling him out by the shirt.

The whole ordeal took roughly half a second before they were both out in the hallway, still screaming a little bit, Finn flicking his hand around because _it was so fuzzy he can still feel it_ _not cool not cool_.

Poe, who had turned a remarkable shade of gray, wheeled Finn around to face him. “Are you okay?”

“ _It touched me!”_

“Um-” They turned around at break neck speeds, coming face to face with a very concerned, very calm Duros. “I was walking back to my quarters and couldn't help but hear the _screaming_...”

“L'ulo! There's a spider!”

“It touched me!”

“It was on my bunk! I didn't know what to do! You know I _hate_ those things! It was on my _pillow_!”

“It _touched_ me!”

“It kept crawling around! I couldn't leave it there! Then Finn came in and tried to kill it-!”

“And it _touched me!_ ”

“I think I see the problem here,” L'ulo finally answered, a little quirk to the edge of his mouth. Without another word, the Duros walked into their room and looked around.

Poe and Finn observed the situation from the hallway at a safe distance...

L'ulo grabbed an empty glass off of one of their tables, moving closer to Poe's bunk. He made some cooing sounds, leaning closer and doing something that the boys couldn't see. Before long, he was walking back out, holding the glass high and proud with the little brown spider trapped inside.

“I'll just go deposit this little one outside of the hangar,” he told them calmly, paused for a moment then held the glass towards them, “Unless you have any objections, Commander.”

Poe fell back into Finn's chest. “No, no, no- I'm good. I'm good with that. I'm good.”

“Good,” L'ulo smirked, reaching out with his other hand to ruffle Poe's already unruly hair. “I swear, boy, you're Shara made over,” he chuckled, turning away to walk down the hall.

The breath Poe let out must have took all of his tension with it seeing as how Finn grunted to hold his extra weight.

* * *

The spider situation was just as quickly forgotten once all of the _creepy vibes_ left them. Poe explained what they really were a little better after they had both calmed down, but that was pretty much the end of the topic. The rest of the day went along like normal.

Until lights out.

“Night, Finn.”

“Night, Poe.”

The ex-trooper was already cuddled under his blankets, but opened his eyes at the lack of sound from across the room. He immediately spotted Poe in dark boxers and a white shirt, standing in the middle of the room and staring at his bed. Oh. Right.

“Hey, Poe?” The pilot turned to him, and Finn slunk to the far edge of the bed. “Do you wanna-...?”

“Yes,” Poe nearly sobbed, practically jumping into the other bed. It was small, but they were good friends. It wouldn't be that weird. Maybe- Well, maybe- No, Finn didn't think about that. Poe, however, trembled as Finn draped the extra blankets over him. “I've been thinking about having to go to bed all day. What if there's more?”

“I doubt it,” the other chuckled. He'd been reading up on spiders for the better part of the afternoon. “It likely found its way in from outside, but we can strip the bed tomorrow and make sure.”

“Yeah,” Poe sighed, “Should've done that today.” He shifted, finding a comfortable position, and suddenly seemed to realize that they were in bed together. Finn couldn't see his face, but he still didn't want to hope that the man would actually be _blushing_. “Um, you- you don't mind this, do you? I can always-”  
  
“I wouldn't have offered if I minded,” Finn hushed him quickly. “Just don't punch me in your sleep, and it'll work out.”

Poe laughed softly. “... G'night, Finn.”

“Night, Poe.”

They didn't strip the bed the next day, the problem _casually_ slipping Finn's mind after having woken up with Poe draped across his chest and snoring into his neck. Which, of course, forced them to sleep in the same bed again. And again. And again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so scared of spiders, guys. The other day there was one on the car door while I was driving. That's the second time that's happened to me. Why cruel world? Anyway, sorry if they're a little ooc, haha. Hit me up with more stormpilot prompts on [tumblr](http://linatrinch.tumblr.com). Thanks!


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